Being free as an autistic person. ⚘

⚘ I don’t know how to fully free myself as an autistic person in this society. I am still learning what freedom actually looks like for me. Tonight, for example, I found a song that I absolutely loved. This is what I call autistic joy. It is a joy that is so deep & intense and in my mind I become very inspired & very creative. It feels like my whole inner world lights up. So when I made a new post today, I felt that I really wanted to attach this song to the post afterwards. I made a comment with the song under my post because I wanted to remember this day that I found this song and what it means to me. I wanted the song and the words to live together because they belong to the same feeling & joyful moment in my life. Then I felt inspired to post that same song under some of my older posts too. For me, this felt very natural, very normal & very much like freedom. It felt like the real, safe, normal me, the me that understands why I am doing this. There is a deep reason for it. For example, in one year, when I get reminded of posts I made on certain dates, I will also be reminded of this song connected to my hearts longing. And I will remember what I dreamed about, what I felt. I will see if the dreams & wishes connected to that song came true. To me, that felt very special. But I ended up deleting all the songs because I became afraid. A famous photographer & teacher here in Stockholm reached out to me because he was concerned about me & my posts with the link to the beautiful song. He asked if my account had been hacked because there was very unusual behavior on my account, since many of my posts had received the same song. Immediately I felt shame & stress rise in my body and it felt like all the joy and happiness I had felt today were suddenly crushed by fear, sadness, suppression & old feelings of being misunderstood or bullied. And I know this is not because of this man, he is allowed to feel and think whatever he wants. I love him & he is an old friend. But the situation brought up many feelings inside of me. It made me start wondering what people are feeling when I post a lot or when I am very present with my energy now, online. Maybe this could be an open discussion. If people feel uncomfortable with the intensity or the amount of my posts, where should I then post? Maybe Facebook is not the right place for me!? Or maybe I should encourage people to unfollow me if they feel uncomfortable, instead of me trying to make myself smaller? I am trying to figure out how I can exist on social media in a place where I can be totally free, in whatever phase of life I am going through. This is something I am thinking a lot about right now & it is very important to me. I warmly welcome any suggestions & thoughts about this. I truly welcome a discussion and I welcome your honest thoughts about what you think and feel about what I am sharing. With love, Sabina ⚘🦢⚘ P.S. The song can be found under this post. ⚘ Here:

“Find Your People” by Drew Holcomb and The Neighbors is all about belonging, community and letting yourself be held by the right people, those who see you, accept you & stay. ⚘🕸️ ⚘